Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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