If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
