At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
