And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
