Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize