I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize