dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
