upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
