You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
