I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
