I just saw a hot homeless man
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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