Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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