If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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