how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
