Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
