Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
