david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
