Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
