Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
