got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
