she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wear drunk well.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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