the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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