I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
