Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
