as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
