white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
