there's paper in my vomit.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
