I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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