Welp...herpes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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