A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
