this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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