I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
