come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I love you. Go after that dick
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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