were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
