Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
