I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
