peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
