I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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