I'm gonna have a badass scar
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
