I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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