Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
