My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
