road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
