Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
