Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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