I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
