youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
