On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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