I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize