Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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