So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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