Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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