Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
