I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
