I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
