I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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