are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
