elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
