Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How external is "for external use only"?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
