Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
