Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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