last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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