Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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