Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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