I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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