Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
