had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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