shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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