if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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