okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
