i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
organizing the empties. That sober.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
